It's the New Year. The natural thing to say is “Time Flies Fast, doesn't it?” *Giggles

The time is 12:20am, 1^st January 2009. Mood: Happy, never Happier...*cliche

Although I am alone in bed now, as the first few minutes of 2009 tick by, I am delighted by everything around. Not so long ago, as I hurried home after observing the joyful explosion that welcomed 2009 at Woodlands Civic Centre, I can feel the muscles of my face twitching for a smile and they haven't stopped yet. As I already envision what the year ahead will be for me as I hummed Auld Lang Syne ,in my own rendition definitely, on the way home. I can bet you it's going to be a Happy Year for me. It feels very good to know that as the first seconds of the year strike, a bundle of joy and happiness explodes within you. Well, no one can ever predict what the future may bring but who cares really. For me, I know it's going to be my Happy year. Thank You Allah.

*checks an incoming message on my mobile

The SMSes been streaming in and I'm glad I've sent the special ones my heartfelt wishes to them. I hope they know how much I mean that short sincere message. The New Year as most of us know is a special time for us all. Even if you don't really appreciate it, I'm glad to know that the Earth have safely completed a full orbit around the sun. Small little facts like this that jumps out of my random mind reaffirms a certain value to great days like this. I'm probably just weird and my childlike imagination and chain of thoughts just can't seem to leave me. Truly as it is, i am very fascinated by these ridiculous textbook data especially when it comes to special days. For eg. Hari Raya, Christmas, Deepavali etc. It's more meaningful isn't it? *ticklish giggles

Now 2008 was like..simply like...SHIT! Hahahaha I mean, seriously, it was shit! I spent most of it being 24 years old and being 24 is totally meaningless! Well as one book that I picked up from Borders said,” Waste Your 24^th Year” and never did I seriously take it. Yet, as I look at it now, Yeah, go waste your 24^th year! *LOL

On the brighter side of things and more realistically, 2008 in whole has been a pretty unfortunate year. Though of course, the many good things that did came were in abundant but my final verdict isn't in favour of 2008. It will never be in my list of the Best Years in My Life where 2006 n 2007 are potential nominees. Unfortunately so, I've got to trash 2008 into my Recycle Bin although a shift+delete would have been better seriously.

*mind flow reinforces : FOCUS ON POSITIVE EVENTS

Alright alright, the mind shifts so stubbornly to the good stuffs because yes I am still and will 2009-everly be happy. *HAH..Knock Knock.

Many greats things have been achieved. The Fantastic Kidz are my dearest achievements and being ever so talented is a precious bunch. It is amazing how I've been a great influence into the lives of these initially innocent and aimless kids. Not that aimless is such a good word but it's just a literary expression, my dear friends. Explored and Conquered, the talents of these kids have unleashed to a level so amazing that I grow envious of their luck, only wishing that I had someone like myself to guide me along when I was younger. Growing up the hard way definitely has it's ups and down but it's so unfair la kids. *hahahaha!

2009 will have greater things ahead for the Kidz. Everything is definitely moving way fast for them and it is definitely a good thing. There's already a culture of goodwill brotherhood and sisterhood in Fantastic Kidz. The teamwork and team spirit that is growing is a definitely a point of reflection for them in their future years ahead. The Camaraderie is brilliant and the energy is definitely burning HOT! Crossing my fingers tight, I will do my best for them to grow and achieve beyond their wildest dreams. I grew up with a motto, “ Nothing is impossible for he who believes” and hear up Fantastic Kidz, 2009 is gonna be more amazing! HUGS

On a personal level now, work is nicely served for me. It's the execution that has to be consistent and my determination and concentration is at stake. My approach to situations needs fine tuning. My sense of urgency upped a few points. My creativity bungee jumping and I am frustrated. I'm still suffering from my Peter Pan's Never Grow Old Demeanour. My mind in contrast turning 35 in Septmber.* HaH! Still pretty extreme yet loving the status quo seem to bring me into uncomfortable zones. Public Speaking still isn't a favourite and organization of thought is a chore, hoping blogging will help. Loving Spontaneity and Randomness, like every other arty farty jackass on this earth. Almost isolating myself at most times, which could be a bad thing but the idea of self is pretty important for me now. A balance in both outlook and inner self still is as critical and happiness in life is always an objective. Still charming and friendly and super generous, I'm learning bit by bit and day after day. Oh and the downside of it all is still family. I will readdress the matter soon. Remember *Happy!

Time: 1:02am

The writing needs to stop here. The first hour of 2009 for me is rushing home for my room, absolute silence accompanied by monotony of the whirring fan. Yellow lights angled towards my bed with my laptop on my lap, beaming a “I'm a getting in low battery mode now” pale light.

*answers a call...After call..still happy. :)

Finally, to whoever is reading this, HAPPY 2009. Be happy. Keep Smiling. oh..come on..SMILEY SMILEY. Hugs to you.

LOVE, Mr. E :P

This year, Hari Raya Aidilfitri is a little different for me. Though from a certain angle it may seem unfortunate, I never brought myself to that negative side and viewed in a more positive l light. There was something to learn this Ramadhan and it certainly brought things into a greater and more refreshing paradigm.

My Mum was admitted into National University Hospital last Thursday. It was pretty much a shock and we, the family, were in disbelief. What came as a tummy discomfort had soon been diagnosed as a complication of the intestines. It was a trivial moment. Never had she complained of any of such illnesses and it came when you least expect it. For a woman her age, I guess, health has to be upped into the elite topmost spots in the list of ten most important things in life. Putting her age and this complication in the picture, it troubled me more. Only making it worst when an operation had to be carried out. I was relunctant, I was disageerable and I was lost.

On the next day when the doctor had advised for an operation, I have reached a level of confusion so bad, I couldn't get myself to see my ill mum who was all wrapped up in a green patient outfit with tubes trailing from the veins of her limbs to the sunken packets of chemicals hung on fork-like steel beams. I had to brave myself, to go beyond that emotional rollercoaster in my soul to talk to her and my dad who streamed into the ward early that morning. I muttered my honest viewpoint and concluded that the decision was theirs, whether to proceed with the removal of her dead colon. Under those dark eye circles and yesterday's Large size dance t-shirt, i claimed my sanity to go home and let whatever happens, happen. I mean in term of decision making that is. My mum was important to me. She was all I loved and depend upon and I felt then that if this operation were to go from astray, I will regret my life upon it. That's extreme negativity for sure but as i teared my way home in the taxi, I prayed and believed that Allah will help us through this ordeal. It wasn't a bad ordeal. Something was to be learnt.

And so the days past by, operation went extremely well and Hari Raya had arrived. Clad in tones of green, the other 5 that makes my family, which includes myself, stream in the midday sun into the ward to greet my Mother. Though she might have waited awhile, I knew she was happy to see us. In drabs of 60 seconds, she started to tear. I understood fully why she did, for this year will be a little different. It was fine with me actually for she was very important and although we are missing out on her hari raya cooking for the first day which is inevitably brilliant, the day felt more meanigful as we took this challenge together as a family. No doubt, we have gotten closer in this meaningful day and that is the blessing, that my mother have been wishing for i guess, that has arrived in disguised.

My mum is recovering pretty well and I can't wait for her to come home. Well i have taken all my effort to revamp my home a little bit and I am sure that she will be awed by the changes at home. She'll be happy I know and that is more satisfying for me that anything else. Making someone happy is good for me. Making someone I love is great for me. Making my mum happy, hmmm...priceless..

Till I see you, who is reading at my home this raya, Just wanna wish all of you SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN. SEMOGA ALLAH MERESTUI HIDUP KITA DALAM BULAN YANG MULIA LAGI INDAH INI. ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

Wink Wink, E1

And so it seems, my life starts to dread back into the lifeless mode that it has gotten used you through this year.
The dance finals for my lovely young talents have ended with a blast although they did not win any major prizes in this major battle.
Why major? Because they were the kidz who gave their all to give the older dancers an edge in the competition.
Who would expect 10 to 15 year olds to have made it to a competitive dance finals and during that eventful night, they have made a name for themselves.
The Credit all goes to them for their hardwork and tenacity and it just justify my belief that sometimes we adults can learn a lot from kidz.
They've definitely impressed and what wonderful future they already own in the field of hiphop dance.

I lay back and heave a big sigh.
For the moment, my brain rise to a pause. All the effort that I have put in were indeed valuable. It is not just another episode of dance competitions.
Me too learn way many things through my journey to produce what we all know now, The Fantastic Kidz.

Enough said, I want to write something else now. I want to write about myself.

And So as i last said, my brain rise to a pause. And indeed wonderful pause. I finally am able to capture back those moments where self reflection
is always a great thing to do.
In a few days time, it will be my birthday. A favourite day by others but a meaningful day to me. It marks for me a new episode that I am goin to embark into.
A life episode that I know will be much different than I expect. It's pretty exciting really and it makes me feel more and more that life is indeed very beautiful.

It's time that I do something for myself and create myself all over again, i thought. I wanna look through all of myself and recreate the being that I am suppose to.
With so many things I've learned through life and the many mistakes that I have made, I shall pick out the great qualities that I have possessed and glue all together
to make the person whom I will be satisfied with. Ultimately, it is that sense of satisfaction followed by the happiness that I hold with such conviction, making my life
ever so worthlife to live in.

Many things to be done i thought and my big obstacle will be procrastination and self-assurance. It is already hard standing alone in this world with a mind too great too handle.
I know what I'm made of better than many do but it is those few things that I always missed out that some others will know i need to improve on.
I always bow to their sincerity to help me be a better person. I want to be the better person. The person who will in whatever circumstance achieve his success.

So this is the time, I guess. The moment where i can delve and make time to improve and enjoy my life. I want to bring out to those who think they know me but actually do not, who i actually am.
I always put up a facade. a facade of an impeccable body who seem fine and alright. I wanna do all that I can. I wanna live my life to the fullest.
No fuller than whatever God have ready for me. I am thankful for Allah have always been my bestfriend.

Though I always disregard and go against his instructions, I know that Allah knows when my time will be. He have built this path just for me and indeed it'll be greater than ever.
As there is this time for me, I shall prepare for more that is to come. Recreate my life, my plans and myself. I wanna be happy, happy and happy.
I really wanna be a better person, don't you?

I am sitting down at Republic Polytechnic, Hall W4!

My soul totally lost and my mind so uninspired for any choreography works. You know it's already a headache to be teaching kids for a long term career but I am reassuring myself of the satisfaction that waterfalls into my spirit when these kids dance a brilliant performance.

At this very moment, I'm getting into A REALLY PMS mode and it just doesn't heal, this irritated spirit, if I were to keep dancing on and making the kids repeat over and over again. My mind is wandering, I feel irritated when the kids talk too much and am not justifying the dance moves right and well. Maybe I thought I should scream at them but damn this pampered kids who'll get disheartened and it's not the youngest of them all whom I'm talking about here but the older boys. I wonder if it's ultimately my fault since I've pampering them too much, or haven't I?

Now as I type this and also eating this awful instant noodle, the 2 brothers sitting a few feet away, starts exchanging words which just heighten this irritating teacher here. Shut Up!

Frustrations Frustrations...Someone help me. Allah please help me! Sigh

I need inspiration and this is one of those sickening moment when nothing good is coming out from me. I now heave a sigh of I Can Do It. My mind staying stubborn and my eyes, geez it's too damn dry. Been wearing those lenses way too long!

Now is this goin to be a bad day? Hmm..i hope not. I'm a cheerful person. I am the cheerful person. Ewan, everything is goin to be fine. YA RIGHT!!

Hello, I'm Ewan. How are you? Hahahaha

I haven't expected myself to blog in recent days but I guess I'd just give it a shot. No harm right? But I'm just warning-cum-reminding myself how lazy I can be, especially when it comes to updating one. Nobody is perfect, remember? and I'm just Nobody....hahahaha. (Don't you just love that line? It's so egoistic yet I never see myself saying it at all. It's just for fun, really. Now switch on your sense of humour. Thank You.)

Well I'm coming across some really brilliant blogs and they are of course, from the many dance students that I have taught over the years. We're talking about young school students, most of them are my Ultimate Dance Enthusiasts. they're simply the best! (My Dance Psychotherapy does works I Guess!)

It's really nice to see them penning down their thoughts and even to the most smallest details like how tired they feel that day. I mean really, who cares if one is tired but again, "don't get angry with me for my straightforwardness and insensitivity", for a moment, but trust me, I'd be like "Oh no, you probably need some good rest and sleep. :(" So this blog thing have evolved and taken more of "a-diary-all-about-me-and-my-day-to-day-report-card" mode. That's for the kids of course and I'll follow their footsteps in this one.

So as they say, sometimes we can learn a lot from people around us and it doesn't matter at all how old they are, something fresh, something that sparkle in my gloomy night sky is sure to jumpstart my positivity, sensitivity and all other more humanly traits within me. Hahaha.

So I'm learning from my dance students/friends that blogging can indeed be a therapeutic outlet for my emotions and also an interactive web-based window of communication between me, what's within me, what's happening to me, my thoughts and everything else related to me to the outside world, that is to you, the awesome reader!

Alright, I haven't got much fancy backdrop for my blog yet or any cool pictures to show off to you all and I'll get to that soon enough. Meanwhile, I'll just adore your beautiful blogs and search for great blog skins online.

Thank you for reading and be sure to keep reading. I'll entertain you for sure. Hugs

Ewan is crawling Out!